If before we were two…
How many times do we hear the stories of couples who went into crisis after the birth of a baby. Well, even if you thought 'it will never happen to us', the relationship with your partner could start to wobble. Precisely because now a family is being formed and that bundle of only 50 (more or less) centimeters has arrived.
The arrival of a child brings great joy to a home. Yet we must not forget that, from that moment on, the couple will undergo a change as it will no longer be exclusively couples: from now on they will become a family. You will be a mother and father forever, which is no small thing. In this stage of life it would be essential to clearly define the boundaries of the relationship as a couple and what the relationship is as parents, so that the two spheres remain harmoniously separate. But it's not that easy, since the child attracts all the attention to himself! After an initial moment of great enthusiasm, the storm is lurking: feedings, diaper changes, nocturnal crises can characterize the first months of a child's life, exacerbating possible reasons for conflict between father and mother. It seems to be women who show the greatest dissatisfaction, seeing their life completely absorbed by the role of mother. All daily rhythms are molded on the child, there are no more social relationships, free time tends to zero; in addition there is the management of the house and, very often, also the commitment of the work. All is exacerbated by lack of sleep: tiredness can only negatively affect the relationship with the partner. And there's also another aspect to consider: if the mother has difficulty getting back in shape, this could further affect her dissatisfaction, both for a personal aesthetic discourse and for the fear of no longer being attractive in the eyes of her partner.
What to do?
There is no magic formula. Every couple has its balance. On the contrary: there are couples who will never lose balance, in fact, thanks to the intimacy and empathy they have managed to build over time. But it is useless to deny that the arrival of a child can lead to the decline of the most romantic aspects of the relationship. The couple should find new ways to communicate and manage conflicts, making all possible tools available to the other: patience, listening, understanding and communication. There will be moments of tension, but we must react constructively, accepting change, mistakes and, above all, seeking compromises. They seem trivial suggestions, but remember that it would be useful:
■ do not recriminate but propose
■ do not demand but ask
■ do not grumble but communicate.
And why not think of grandparents as help in this sense too? Their job is also to support their children in their role as new parents, as well as take care of their grandchild when necessary.
To remember
Parents are always a guide for their children and for the new family: having a good relationship is important for a healthy growth of the child, who will be able to build a self-image worthy of love and attention. Unfortunately, we often have to compare ourselves with the type of childhood one lived and with the type of relationship built with one's parents: those who have been able to count on stable ties will certainly recreate them with their own child, unlike those who, on the other hand, , has not experienced these equilibria and will therefore have difficulty building them now. Thanks to good mutual help, however, everything will be overcome. And the family will grow together.
